Dreamer.

I’m a dreamer, always have been. Dreaming isn't a bad thing. At night, in bed, as I fall asleep I love dreaming of what my life may be. And I think I am closer to many dreams than I thought I was one year ago.

It’s been one year since I sat in the ultrasound room with the doppler on breast as the doctor told me how abnormal my tissue was. There was an urgency of having a mammogram done that day, and I sat in his office twisting my toes, trying to keep my composure.

Here I am a year later, still suffering from the same ‘scanxiety’. Afraid of what test results may bring because let’s face it; I am not used to get good news. The past couple scans have surprised me and today’s didn't let me down either.

Yep, you read that right: “favorable response to therapy with significant decrease . . .“ Even though that report was for my liver, the same goes for my bone metastases.  Minimal radioactive tracer was seen in my bones, meaning there is a decreased size in my bones mets. My right breast still shows no evidence of disease and only a tiny tumor in my left breast.  

*Don’t read too much about that last part- I get ovarian cysts and every time they see them on a scan, I have to go have an ultrasound done to rule out metastatic disease- classic case of CMA (cover my @$$).

The pain I have been having could be arthritis or sciatica, both can be common from the bone mets but not too much to do for it besides pain meds. I just move slower these days and rest more often.

The Plan:
January 16th, 2014 will be my last chemotherapy for now. It will not be the last chemo I will have in my lifetime, I will need it again; but, after 11 months and 33 cycles of it, I am beyond excited to have a break, whether it is for 5 months, 5 years or 15 years. I am not cancer free, Stage IV is incurable and my P53 gene defect (LFS) guarantees my cancer will progress again, or be found in a new location. But, I am responding, and I am securing my life for a lot longer than I expected.

I will continue on my targeted therapies (Herceptin and Xgeva) indefinitely every 3 weeks. As much as I love my nurses and my hospital I would rather much see them once a month than once a week and for shorter intervals.

Next week I will meet with my oncologist and we will start talking about setting this plan in stone and start planning for surgery.


Until then, I am off to dream sweet dreams without care and thank God for His grace.