Thursday, April 16, 2015

Wait . . . what?

When I started this crazy cancer journey two years ago, I knew what was facing me. I knew the reality of what a Stage IV Metastatic diagnosis meant. Never to be cured. Which I have learned to accept. But, in Cancerland, there is this something that people strive for, hope for and dream of: NED. NED stands for No Evidence of Disease. A more commonly used word for those non-cancer patients is remission. NED means that there is no cancer detectable on your scans, but that cancer cells still do likely remain in your body. You could be NED or “in remission” for years, but you will never be deemed cured; cancer is a vicious little shit and could always come back. I can honestly tell you that the past two years I have prepared myself to never hear those words spoken to me.

I had my set of quarterly scans last week. My bone scan ended up revealing a fracture in my foot. Between chemo, hormone therapies, and other drugs to rid my body of cancer that past two years it has also weakened my bones and muscles. I am at a high risk for osteoporosis so they told me to get used to stress fractures, especially in my feet. Monday I was given an air cast boot to wear for the next 6 weeks. Yesterday I talked with my team about the results of my CT and bone scans . . .


                                               NO EVIDENCE OF ACTIVE DISEASE

Wow. I really just wrote that. I had to ask a couple times if they were sure if that meant that the scans didn’t reveal any cancer and what exactly did it mean if there wasn’t any they could see. Officially, they won’t give me the NED or “remission” status because they cannot say for sure that there is no cancer in my body. However, there are no tumors that they can see. The lesions I had in my bones are healing. When I asked if it meant I was finally NED doc said “It’s as close to remission as we’ll get”. And you know what? I will friggin’ take that. I’m not cured. I never will be, but, I don’t need it because I have something better . . . TIME. This means I have more time with my family.


So now what? Well, this changes nothing as far as my care is concerned. I will be on my Herceptin treatment for the rest of my life no matter what. I will go every three weeks and get that infusion. Herceptin stops the cancer from producing rapidly and is what has gotten me to where I am today. If I stop, the cancer comes back, simple as that. As far as my bones are concerned, the lesions where they previously saw bone mets are healing. Not having active cancer in them does not mean I can now run a marathon or be pain free. Cancer has greatly damaged my bones. I have been going to PT and exercising to help decrease pain. I will still go for quarterly scans for the rest of my life as well.

I am happy. I am sad. I am shocked. I am numb. I am angry. I am about a gazillion emotions right now. I was off of the Cancer Roller-coaster for a long time, now I am right back on it. I am happy that this has happened to me. I am sad that it hasn’t happened to others. I am numb to this feeling of having more time. I am angry that I have lost so many friends to this disease. For a long while I wished for good to come of this, and I never felt it did. I stopped wishing, and I started praying. I prayed and trusted. I let go and let God. I trusted that whatever He has planned for me will be, and in the end, it will all work together for my good, even if it brings pain and sorrow. If He blesses me with being able to say that I do not have any detectable cancer in my body for the next 5, 10 or 20 years then I will praise and thank Him each one of those day. And if one day, my cancer comes roaring back, then I will ask Him for guidance, strength and courage; and I will still praise and thank Him for each one of those days, no matter how hard they will be. 

I’ve done exactly what I set out to do, and I am going to continue to do it. I am gonna keep working on that bucket list, because, I know, life is short, so I am gonna live the heck out of it.



14 comments:

  1. And you have encouraged so many others to live life too! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amen ...beautifully written and lived ;) we have lots of things in common :) thank you for inspiring me!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are amazing.....your fighter-warrior-princess-spirit is inspiring!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Praise God! You've been such an inspiration and God has heard the many prayers said for you! Prayer really works!! Time is precious - enjoy every minute!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm so happy for you, Kate. This is a gift.

    ReplyDelete
  6. So beautifully written, it made me cry. So happy for you. May we all have that kind of blessing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I recently had an amazing response to treatment. I have been going through the same whirlwind of emotion. <3 Yay for the news!

    ReplyDelete

  8. Hello everybody!!!
    I don't just know the reason why some people is finding it difficult to believe that there is a cure for herpes, I have been suffering from herpes since last three years with my husband but today I am happy that am cure from it with the herbal medicine made by Dr climent the great healer, I was browsing the internet searching for help when I came across a testimony shared by someone on how Dr climent cure her from Herpes Virus. I quickly contacted him to get the cure and today i am now free from the virus, I am so much happy today that we have someone like this great healer out there, so' people out there kindly contact this great doctor please sir keep your good work cause there are people out there who is in need of your healing medicine. whatsapp him or call +2347036879479 or whatsapp him +2347036879479 drclimentscott@gmail.com drclimentscott@gmail.com
    He also cure
    (1) CANCER,
    (2) DIABETES,
    (3) HIV&AIDS,
    (4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION,
    (5) BREAST CANCER,
    (6) IMPOTENCE,
    (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA
    (10)SIMPLEX HERPES AND GENITAL HERPES
    11) HE ALSO HAVE SPELL TO BRING BACK ANYTHING YOUR EX LOVER. E.T.C......




    Hello everybody!!!
    I don't just know the reason why some people is finding it difficult to believe that there is a cure for herpes, I have been suffering from herpes since last three years with my husband but today I am happy that am cure from it with the herbal medicine made by Dr climent the great healer, I was browsing the internet searching for help when I came across a testimony shared by someone on how Dr climent cure her from Herpes Virus. I quickly contacted him to get the cure and today i am now free from the virus, I am so much happy today that we have someone like this great healer out there, so' people out there kindly contact this great doctor please sir keep your good work cause there are people out there who is in need of your healing medicine. whatsapp him or call +2347036879479 or whatsapp him +2347036879479 drclimentscott@gmail.com drclimentscott@gmail.com
    He also cure
    (1) CANCER,
    (2) DIABETES,
    (3) HIV&AIDS,
    (4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION,
    (5) BREAST CANCER,
    (6) IMPOTENCE,
    (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA
    (10)SIMPLEX HERPES AND GENITAL HERPES
    11) HE ALSO HAVE SPELL TO BRING BACK ANYTHING YOUR EX LOVER. E.T.C......

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks to Dr Williams I am so happy today, my wife have been suffering from breast cancer for the past 8 years now, and i have spent a lot on western drugs which has all proved abortive, i have tried all means in life to get my wife out of this , but there was no answer until i decided to try herbal solution and i found Dr Williams online and i contacted him and after she took his medication as instructed, my wife is now completely cure from breast cancer within those week of usage, i am so much happy, thanks to Dr Williams for helping me get my wife life back again without any form of crisis, i promise to tell your name and good deeds to the whole world,if you have someone with cancer you can email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for more information .

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am Sophie from Canada, I once suffered from a terrible and Chronic breast cancer ,since 30years now , the doctor told me there was no permanent cure i was given medications to slow down its progress, i constantly felt my health was deteriorating as i constantly go out of breath,and this illness was really terrible especially when am going out with my friends, i have this constant disorder for about 30 years, this was really a terrible illness ,on thin one day that i was going through the internet,and i came across a post of Mrs shelley on how his husband was been cured from colon cancer through the help of Dr Williams herbal product, I contacted this herbal doctor via his email and explain everything to him and make purchase of his product,few days later he sent me the herbal medicine through courier service, when i received the herbal medicine, i used it for 1 months as prescribed by Dr Williams and i was totally cured within those week of usage,on thin now i have not experience any sign or characteristics again . for more information you can email him on drwilliams098675@gmail.com for help

    ReplyDelete
  11. My name is hoover, my 18 years old daughter, Tricia was diagnosed of herpes 3 years ago. ever since then,we have been going from one hospital to the other. We tried all sorts of pills but all efforts to get rid of the virus was futile. The blisters kept on reappearing after some months. My daughter was making use of Acyclovir tablets 200mg. 2 tablets every 6hours and fusitin cream 15grams. and H5 POT. Permanganate with water to be applied 2x a day but all still show no result. So I was on the internet some months back, to sought for any other means of saving my only child. just then, i came across a comment on dr imoloa herbal treatment and decided to give it a try. i contacted the him and he prepared some herbs and sent it to me together with guidelines on how to use the herbs through DHL courier service. my daughter used it as directed dr imoloa and in less than 14days, my daughter regained her health.. You should contact Dr imoloa today directly on his email address for any kind of health challenge; lupus disease,  mouth ulcer,  mouth cancer, body pain, fever, hepatitis A.B.C.,   syphilis,  diarrhea,  HIV/AIDS,  Huntington's Disease,   back acne,  Chronic renal failure,   addison disease,  Chronic Pain,   Crohn's Disease,   Cystic Fibrosis,  Fibromyalgia,   Inflammatory Bowel Disease,  fungal nail disease, Lyme Disease, Celia disease, Lymphoma, Major Depression,  Malignant Melanoma,   Mania,  Melorheostosis,   Meniere's Disease,  Mucopolysaccharidosis , Multiple Sclerosis,  Muscular Dystrophy,  Rheumatoid Arthritis, Alzheimer's Disease, parkison disease, vaginal cancer, epilepsy,  Anxiety Disorders, Autoimmune Disease,   Back Pain,  Back Sprain,   Bipolar Disorder,  Brain Tumour,  Malignant,   Bruxism, Bulimia,  Cervical Disk Disease, cardiovascular disease, Neoplasms, chronic respiratory disease,  mental and behavioural disorder,     Cystic Fibrosis,   Hypertension, Diabetes, asthma,  Inflammatory autoimmune-mediated arthritis.  chronic kidney disease, inflammatory joint disease,  impotence,  feta alcohol spectrum,  Dysthymic Disorder,   Eczema, tuberculosis,  Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, constipation, inflammatory bowel disease.  and many more; contact him on email- drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com./ also on  whatssap-+2347081986098.

    ReplyDelete
  12. WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are Clara David I’m a citizen of USA, My younger sister was sicking of breast cancer and her name is Sandra David I and my family have taking her to all kind of hospital in USA still yet no good result. I decided to search for cancer cure so that was how I found a lady called Peter Lizzy. She was testifying  to the world about the goodness of a herbal man who has the roots and herbs to cure all kinds of disease and the herbal man's email was there. So I decided to contact the herbal man @herbalist_sakura for my younger sister's help to cure her breast cancer. I contacted him and told him my problem he told me that I should not worry that my sister cancer will be cure, he told me that there is a medicine that he is going to give me that I will cook it and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how can I receive the cure that I am in USA, he told me That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid for the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the courier service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to, before the week complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a dream to me not knowing that it was physical I and my family were very happy about the miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5 million us dollars the herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad, but I don't know why he didn't accept the offer, he only say that I should tell the world about him and his miracle he perform so am now here to tell the world about him if you or your relative is having any kind of disease that you can't get from the hospital please contact dr.sakuraspellalter@gmail.com or whats app him +2348110114739  you can follow him up on Instagram @herbalist_sakura for the cure, he will help you out with the problem. And if you need more information about the doctor you can mail me davidclara223@gmail.com 

    ReplyDelete